Livin on a Blog

You know like "Livin on a Prayer"...only it's in cyberspace. I read other blogs and imagine them as my own. I have voices in my head that keep me going, but sometimes they don't always match my actual life. I read about other people and wish it was my life. Moms and Dads going on dates, moms that get to stay home and be with their kids but not adding in the work aspect, young women eating super healthy clean foods and spending lots of time at the gym, women eating organic and vegan foods, women clipping coupons and saving tons of money for their families, moms getting to go on playdates and volunteering at their childrens schools, moms having MOPS groups or bible studies with other moms to share their friendships with, couples having dinner parties....

My life is good right? I have 5 healthy kids and a husband who has a great job. We aren't suffering in this economy. My husband and I both work, bringing in money to support our family, and though we still live pay check to pay check we are at least getting a pay check. My kids have lots of toys and clothes and have healthy meals prepared for them daily. We aren't suffering like so many others.

But I am tired. I seem to be in some sort of rut. I feel like a complainer. We don't have a perfect marriage, as I am sure many others don't, but I feel like sometimes I put so much work into it and get little in return. Many days I feel like I am a mom and wife that looks like a chicken with my head cut off. Constant cleaning, laundry, cooking, planning, blah blah blah and I can't find a way to get ahead. My list is long...really long. Do the dishes, wash the laundry, fold the laundry, put it all away, make a grocery list, cut coupons, spend and hour and half at the grocery store shopping, put it all away, cook breakfast, make lunch, cook dinner, get the kids ready for school, or baseball practice, or just to leave the house, or bathtime, bedtime, get homework done, make sure they do their chores, fix boo boos, make doctor appointments, pay the bills, organize something, clean out the van, vacuum, mop, dust, clean bathrooms, get ebay stuff listed, run this one or that one to this friends or this event, walk the dogs, feed the dogs, bathe the dogs, clean up after the dogs...and the list goes on and on. Oh yeah and hello I am supposed to be Danielle too. The one who is supposed to be eating healthy, losing weight, looking good to her husband, dressing nice so as not to embarrass her kids, being patient and understanding of her children and husband. But I want to stomp my feet and throw a fit. Throw in the towel. Call it a day. Sleep in, take a day off, read a book, get my nails and hair done, go to the spa, but if I do the next day will be H E double hockey sticks and this whole place would fall apart and it would stress me out more to get it all cleaned up and too much would pile up and add more to my list.

I used to be a real go getter. Not a complainer...after all I was a teenage mom who put myself through college while working full time and raising children. I used to get my workouts in first thing in the morning and stayed in good shape. Dated my husband, kept the romance alive with surprises, read to my kids every night, taught them to read, had a mostly clean house...maybe I only dreamt that part of my life. But somewhere along the way I've lost that person. I'm thinking of posted a WANTED poster looking for her.

I don't like to admit defeat. I don't want to apear weak. But having 5 active children to keep up with has left me tired. And really craving myself at the same time. People used to say they wanted the Hollywood life....well I want the blog life. I'd like to combine a few if I may. The one who has surprise dates with their husband, clean and organized house, gatherings with friends, children who are always clean and do their chores, moms who have time to do really cool crafts with their little ones, ones with beauty tips and organized closets and kitchens...

HA! Do they really exist? Or are most just showing the good stuff on their blogs? Please tell me other moms have this crazy life...that some of you have struggling marriages, laundry that isn't done, you don't always eat healthy, you fall off the workout wagon too, you have times you want to give up and feel defeated...like everything you do just isn't quite good enough??? Please tell me you're real too!