Wednesday, November 18, 2009

All right confession time...

I am in a crazy depression of a week. Weight loss is none...I have probably gained back everything I lost last week but I refuse to get on the scale b/c I'm so disappointed in myself. I have managed to take a Zumba class and have gone on several walks...but no weight training this week and no 30 Day Shred.

My eating is...well...horrible. After my fabulous dinner out Saturday for my birthday I have been on a horrible carb (not healthy ones) craving binge. Anything fast food sounds so delicious! I am proud I have still not had any Diet Coke...but I'm sure that doesn't make up for the fries and burger I had last night. I have been throwing in lots of vegetables and Green Monsters. But I have also had a lot of "JUNK".

I have got to break this cycle of losing all week and then gaining on the weekend. It is so hard to break. I can find on excuse after another for why this is...but when will enough be enough and I stop doing this to myself?

The cold weather and the rain have not helped my mood one bit! I am really hating being stuck in the house all day w/ 8 kids and some days I think I'm really going to lose my mind. Winter scares me! I really don't like being couped up inside w/ no adult contact and crying active children.

These things really make me start thinking about what I really want. Some days I think going back to work would be a better choice for our family because getting out of the house and being with adults might just help my moods. But then I think of all the moments I will miss with my Monkey. He will only be this little for so much longer. I really do like being my own boss. I do as I please during the day, but the daycare kids are here for 10 hours with no way to get out for a few minutes. If I go back to teaching my hours will be a little better and there will be some sort of adult contact through out the day. However, then I am under a different amount of stress and pressure. I just don't know what to do.

The kids and I leave for the beach in 2 1/2 days. Ia m really hoping this time away will help me clear my head and really figure out what to do. I want to be happy! I want to lose the weight, be happy in my career, and be a better wife and mother. Somehow I need to figure all this out...and fast before heavy medication is required.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

1 comment:

  1. Mothers are so hard on themselves. I feel the exact same way about work. It is a double-edged sword for me. I know adult interaction is needed, but I want to stay home with the kids. Then the fact that I don't get paid to stay home puts a damper on day to day living. I wish I had an outlet for exercise, but it just isn't in the cards.

    So, I don't have any answers for you. But know you are not alone in your thinking. We moms have got to stick together and support one another!